Lost
by Eyes for Eternity
Summary: Suddenly, in losing everything, she lost herself; no one could tell whether or not she was worth finding again. Drabble series. What the story would be like if there was no volunteering.
1. Note

**Author's Note:**

This is a drabble series based on what the Games would be like if there was no volunteering, if Peeta went into the arena with Prim instead of Katniss. Each entry is 140 words. The story's been pretty depressing so far, though I'm going to try for a happy ending. Katniss and Peeta won't be ending up together, so don't read if you're looking for a cutesy Katniss-Peeta romance. Reviews would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 1

Katniss stares into the bright blue eyes of Primrose Everdeen, despair brewing in her chest and helplessness overcoming her.

"Where'd you get that?" she asks softly, gesturing to the tarnished pin weaved into the white blouse that hangs too loosely around her sister's thin frame.

"Madge gave it to me. She says it should be my token. In the Games." The little blonde girl's voice trembles, becoming more uncertain with every tear that falls down over her pale skin. Katniss tries to smile, to make the situation somewhat more bearable and slightly less hopeless as her sister falls forward into her arms, sobs echoing through the small room with the moulding on the walls, the thick carpet coating the floor, and the soft velvet upholstering the sofa they are perched on.

Neither of the sisters know who started crying first.


	3. Chapter 2

Gale can't feel his wrist; the blood has been cut off and his nerves prickle with invisible pins and needles. The screen is too bright, too hot; a square of florescence burns into the backs of his eyelids every time he blinks.

"She got a six." Katniss's eyes are glued to the screen, stuck on the girl with blonde hair done up in curls and bows, blue eyes highlighted with glittery makeup, a bright white dress with lace and velvet.

"That's great," Gale replies, rubbing her hand gently to release the block in his veins. _That's great._ No. It's average. It's expected. It's mediocre at best, and it isn't going to help the little blond girl on the screen survive being hunted by twenty-two bloodthirsty teenagers from richer districts and with more training.

"She looks wonderful."

"She looks great."


	4. Chapter 3

"There must be some special girl. Come on, what's her name?" asks Caesar, his powder blue suit ruffling as he crosses one leg over the other. His elbows find their way to the armrests of his chair and his chin finds its way atop his closed fists. Peeta sighs.

"There's one girl. I've liked her ever since I can remember. I don't think she has any idea I exist, though."

"Well, I'm sure she does now! Surely you'll have a chance once you win the Games and go home; she can't turn you down then!" Peeta looks away from the prosthetic Capitol citizen.

"She have another fellow?" Caesar asks with false compassion.

"Maybe."

"Well, what's her name, boy? Go on!"

"She's…her name is Katniss Everdeen."

Every eye in the Hob turns upon one dark haired girl finishing her soup.


	5. Chapter 4

Gale doesn't speak when he walks into the clearing, dropping his bow and game bag onto the rock next to Katniss.

"Is there a collection yet?" she asks quietly, staring at the grassy ground.

"Sae started it up yesterday. We don't have much yet, but we will." He kneels in front of her and looks up into her eyes.

"They go into the arena tomorrow," she whispers, glancing away.

"She'll be okay. She probably remembers some of what we've told her about bows and arrows, and if she gets hurt she can take care of herself. That boy from the bakery will take care of her," Gale reassures her, turning her face back to his.

"Right." They eat a warm loaf of bread before getting their things and starting into the forest.

They still have mouths to feed at home.


	6. Chapter 5

Prim stands on a metal plate in a green clearing, surrounded by twenty-two people that want to kill her and one person that doesn't. Her eyes are bright and blue and afraid. Her hair is braided back in a blonde rope between her shoulder blades. Sixty seconds. She only has to stand still for sixty seconds.

_Then she can run_, Katniss thinks. There's a mahogany bow and matching arrows thirty feet in front of her sister, an orange backpack stuffed to the seams twenty feet ahead, and ten feet from Prim is a dagger in a leather sheath. One direct line to run in; all she has to do is pick up three items on the way out.

A gong rings. A flash of blond hair skips over the little knife and the backpack.

Prim picks up the bow.


	7. Chapter 6

Katniss doesn't smile when she hands the rabbit to Greasy Sae. She doesn't grin when three coins find their way into her palm. Her face is stoic as she is handed a cup of soup. The older woman looks at the hunter sadly.

Gale joins the two women at the counter, handing a bag of coins to Sae.

"More donations. We'll have enough to send something soon. Maybe some food, or-"

"No. Save it until she's in trouble. She's lived without food her entire life, she can go a bit longer," Katniss interrupts, setting her spoon back into the empty soup cup.

"Katniss, if we wait too long, it might be too-"

"I don't want to end up with _almost_ enough to buy the medicine she needs, or the blanket to keep her warm. Save it."

She leaves the counter.


	8. Chapter 7

For the first time in weeks, Katniss smiles.

Prim has met up with another Tribute, one from District 11. Rue. The two girls are the same age. They both have the same round, cherubic faces. Both are thin and sallow due to starvation, even when they have gorged themselves on Capitol food recently.

Prim treats a deep cut in Rue's arm with herbs from the forest. She wraps it in some extra cloth from the latter's backpack. Rue shares her food; some crackers, dried meat, and berries. They nearly drown themselves in the huge bottle of water that Prim had come upon earlier.

The two of them find their way up into a tree. They wrap themselves in sleeping bags and blankets and watch the dark forest around them.

Katniss frowns.

"Gale. I don't want either of them to die."


	9. Chapter 8

Everyone in the Hob turns at the sound of a cannon.

The screen flickers with the image of torn dark skin and bloody blonde hair. A Career's triumphant face is shown above the image of the dead little girls.

Gale grabs Katniss before her scream can echo through the warehouse. Her cries are muffled into his jacket. Her body is still only because his arms are keeping it from shaking.

"It's not fair!"

"I know."

"She didn't deserve this!"

"I know."

"She can't be gone!"

Gale shuts his eyes tight and tries to block out the heartbreaking sounds of the girl in his arms.

"We should go." She doesn't stop crying, but he can see her try to nod. He gets their things. They hurry away.

When they reach their clearing, he wants to kill the boy who killed Prim.


	10. Chapter 9

"Sae needs to know what to do with the money." Gale stands in front of his best friend in the crumbling concrete house.

"She's gone."

"Katniss, what should we do with-"

"She can't be dead."

"Do you and your mother need-"

"She has to come-"

"Katniss!" Gale shouts, grabbing her shoulders roughly and forcing her to meet his eyes. She blinks and her mouth turns to a frown.

"Katniss." Her frown eases away, but she doesn't smile. She turns away from Gale and walks to the window. They don't speak for what seems like hours.

"Do you know what you want us to do with the money?" Gale asks softly, walking up behind her and resting his hands lightly on her shoulders. She wipes away tears and turns.

"Send it to Peeta. He has to come back. They can't win."


	11. Chapter 10

Katniss stops watching. The Peacekeepers make her stand in front of the screen with everyone else, but she doesn't watch. She loses herself in her mind instead.

When she walks into her house after trading her game, she doesn't hear her mother. She glances into the bedroom to see her still body, thin and pale.

Madge helps arrange the burial. Hazelle packs away the late woman's possessions because Katniss isn't responding to anyone. Gale spends his time with the shell of the girl he loves, trying to pull her back into the real world.

When Posy comes over with her mother and Gale, Katniss snaps back. She sees the little girl and cries.

The three-year-old doesn't know what's happening, but she sits in the older girl's lap and comforts her with half-formed words and gentle touches anyway.


	12. Chapter 11

Katniss stands at the door of the Hawthorne house, staring at her feet. She looks up when the door opens and sees Hazelle holding Posy at her shoulder.

"I can't stay there."

Gale walks down the street with Katniss. They've scoured her house and packed everything she wants to keep. Her clothes are at the bottom of the box; some of Prim's belongings are stacked on top, along with her mother's medical books and supplies. All of the food from the Everdeen house has been packed into the empty space, and Katniss's bow is in its case and slung over her shoulder.

Hazelle hurries over when they walk through the door. She takes the box from Gale's hands and puts it in the kitchen. Katniss unlaces her boots at the door and walks to the fireplace.

This is her home now.


	13. Chapter 12

Peeta stands at the edge of the lake. Blood is smeared on his face and hands. His clothes are tattered and frayed at the edges. He's lost all of the things that he originally gathered from the Cornucopia and from other Tributes. All he has left is himself.

Katniss winces as trumpets blare through the speakers with the Panem anthem. The camera angle shifts closer to Peeta's face, and Claudius Templesmith's voice booms over the music.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the victor of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games, Peeta Mellark! I give you – the tribute of District 12!"

A few claps come from the people in the Hob, but it's mostly silent. Gale's arm finds Katniss's shoulders and rests there comfortingly. She smiles.

The Capitol won because they got Prim.

They lost because Peeta avenged her.


	14. Chapter 13

Peeta sits on the victor's chair, staring straight ahead above the heads of the crowd. The camera does one last zoom in on his face before his picture shrinks to a small box at the corner of the screen, and a different image takes up the rest of the space.

This time, when Prim is killed, Katniss doesn't immediately leave the room. This time, she watches as the camera zooms out. As Peeta shows up on the screen. As he throws a knife into the heart of the Career that just killed her sister. She sees him kneel over the girls, check for heartbeats, try and make their bleeding stop. She sees him hang his head in failure and stand, backing away as a hovercraft retrieves the three bodies. She stops paying attention, then.

He tried to save her sister.


	15. Chapter 14

Gale and Katniss stand together at the back of the crowd. The train pulls in and comes to a slow stop at the grimy little station of District 12. Cameras are everywhere. A long red carpet has been laid out in front of the train's door, and lights have been set up hastily. Wouldn't want the Capitol viewers to miss anything.

The door opens, revealing Peeta Mellark. He walks down the steps and onto the plush red rug. Cheers erupt from the crowd, but the two friends at the back of the gathering are silent, hands clasped together tightly, tethering them to reality. Gale didn't need to be held down, but Katniss did.

The boy from the bakery smiles and waves to the cameras, but his eyes are blank and lifeless. His scars have been erased.

Katniss turns and leaves.


	16. Chapter 15

"I start at the mines on Monday. Will you be okay hunting alone?" Gale asks, wiping rabbit blood off of his knife. Katniss stares at the ground.

"Of course." He stares at her. She feels his gaze and looks up.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself." Her face contorts into a frown.

"Doing what?" She packs her things into her game bag, wrapping her jacker tighter around her shoulders.

"_This_. You told me how your mother was after your father died in the mines. I imagine it was pretty close to being like this. There wasn't anything you could've done, Katniss," Gale whispers, shouldering his bag and rubbing her arms. He winces when her eyes begin to water. He hugs her for a moment before stepping back and wiping away her tears.

"You still have me, Catnip. I'm here."


	17. Chapter 16

Katniss gets up early to see Gale off.

"Be careful," she whispers, wrapping her arms around him.

"I'll be fine," he says, resting his cheek on top of her head. He steps away and walks out of the door, shutting it behind him.

The walk to the mines is bleak. The wind is cold, the sky is dark, and the path ahead of him is lifeless. He passes the Hob, thinking how much he would rather be there than in the depths of the ground.

The elevator shaft is shaky. It seems so much louder than it had when he went on school trips; chains clanging together, the creaking of the old wood supports. The car comes to a stop at the bottom of the shaft and Gale steps out.

"Ready?" Thom asks, handing him a flashlight.

"Not at all."


	18. Chapter 17

"Can I talk to you?"

Katniss turns around to face the person speaking.

"Um, of course." He smiles and falls into step with her. She looks down at the ground in front of her.

"So, you heard what I said during the interviews, right?" he asks, glancing over at her.

"I did." She bites the inside of her cheek.

"So...do you – I mean, would you like to, maybe-"

"No, Peeta." The blonde boy's face contorts in confusion.

"Why not? Are you, uh, I mean...is it Gale?" Katniss looks at him incredulously.

"No, Peeta! It's the fact that my sister and mother both died, and my best friend may have just walked into his own doom as well! I don't have interest in any of this." She walks faster.

He is left alone in the middle of the street.


	19. Chapter 18

She meets him when he comes up the elevator. He smiles.

"What're you doing here, Catnip?" he asks, putting his equipment away and wiping the coal dust off his face with a rag.

"The fence," she whispers. They begin walking away from the mine.

"We'll try again on the way home."

"No, Gale. I've been going back and forth all day. It's always been on." They come to the square; a crowd is gathered around the center. Peering through spaces between heads, they see the reason.

A group of Peacekeepers stands in the center of the crowd.

"I, ladies and gentlemen, am Romulus Thread. I will be replacing Peacekeeper Cray as head Peacekeeper. My squad will be taking the places of your previous authorities. Things...things will be getting much stricter around here."

Katniss and Gale stare at each other.


	20. Chapter 19

Suddenly, she's on top of him. Her fingers grasp at slick bare skin and stars dance behind her eyelids.

The whip comes across her back in two quick lashes, forming an X across her shoulder blades and splashing more blood across the cobblestones. She hears it crack in the air and tenses her muscles against the blow that doesn't come.

Someone shouts. She hears Thread cry out. Suddenly the square is alive with noise and motion, and she finds herself trying to keep her eyes open just so she can understand what's going on; she finds that her short-term memory has suddenly failed her.

Someone's lifting her off of the ground and into a blanket. A quiet wail slips its way between her lips before they move, carrying her somewhere else. She slips away.

All of this over a turkey.


	21. Chapter 20

Katniss wakes up on her stomach, her back bare and sore. Her vision is blurry, but she can make out the battered man lying beside her and the fragile woman kneeling at the side of the bed.

"Thank goodness." Hazelle smiles brightly at the girl's newly found sense of consciousness and presses the back of her hand to Katniss's forehead.

"I'll go get some medicine. Don't move." She moves anyway, wincing as the skin across her spine stretches and pulling the sheet up across her bare chest. She looks at Gale; his face is swollen, his arms are bruised, and his back has begun to bleed through the stark white bandages wrapped around his midsection. She reaches back and finds wads of gauze taped across her own wounds.

Hazelle gives Katniss medicine and rewraps her wounds. Gale doesn't wake up.


	22. Chapter 21

She sits at his side with a cup of tea and and a warm slice of bread. His eyes crack open and his brow presses down in pain. He begins to reach his arm around to his searing back before realizing that it hurts to move.

"Drink this." She holds his head up and tips the teacup back into his throat. He sips slowly, the liquid burning his tongue.

"Katniss." His throat is hoarse and dry.

"I'll go get the medicine." She leaves the plate on his nightstand next to the half-finished tea.

"What's that?" She kneels at the bedside and opens the box, revealing a syringe and four containers of clear liquid.

"Morphling. Madge brought it over." He doesn't cringe when she presses the needle into his arm.

She makes him finish his food before he falls asleep.


	23. Chapter 22

"You have to talk to me, Catnip. Talk to someone."

She is still.

"If you keep this up you'll explode."

Her eyes still burn with images of the Hob burning to the ground.

He turns on his heel and crashes through the streets until his boots pound through the front door.

"She's lost everything." Hazelle is scrubbing a pot in the sink, her hands worn and soft.

"She still has me."

"Did it ever occur to you that, maybe, you're not enough?"

He stares at the brick walls.

"A person needs more to get along."

"If she would just _look_, she'd see all she needs is right in front of-"

"She's a lost girl, Gale."

He knows this. He's known this for a time. He turns to his mother.

"I can't tell whether or not she's worth the search anymore."


	24. Chapter 23

Gale stares at her; he doesn't care if she notices. The sunset is warm against her skin and her profile glows against the fire sky.

"Do you even want to be found?" She blinks and turns her head to him, cocking it to the side in confusion.

"I've established that you're lost. Or hiding. For once, _I can't tell which_. But I don't want to waste my time looking if you're trying not to be found."

"I-"

"It's almost been a year, Katniss."

This isn't her best friend speaking.

"It's been _months_, and you're still wallowing in your nonexistent guilt. Stop blaming yourself. I know you want to be in control of everything, but there's absolutely nothing you could've done, that you _can_ do, to change anything. I know how much you've lost, and I'm not judging, but the least you can do is have a conversation. About the weather. Or pastry prices. Or the trees."

This is a stranger who's making her confront herself.

"Learning to love again doesn't have to break you."


End file.
